Humans are contradictory. The reason that I am writing this blog is so I can learn to articulate myself within different written mediums - not just the academic. What I am about to explain to you is complicated, but stick with me, and I'll try to enlighten you to a habitual thinking process of mine.
Humans are contradictory. I am contradictory. When I grew up, I learnt a number of very important lessons. One is don't show pain to your enemy. This lesson was taught through hair pulling with my sister. When she ups the ante, one must NOT show pain; one must herself up the ante.
I somehow internalised this as a good thing and I do suppose that this practiced principle has got me through a good deal of arguments whereby I have been able to hold my own. But it did teach me another thing: hide your true reaction. So, if someone pulls my hair or is mean to me, I learnt to hide my true reaction (of pain or hurt) so as to interact with this mean person in a manner that I might save face, win, or keep myself safe.
In times of peace (which, realistically, is all the time) this principle of don't-show-your-true-reaction remains habitual in reference to only certain things; for example the I-love-my-boyfriend-and-puppies-so-much facebook statuses. I feel that one shouldn't make it so blatantly obvious how soft and gooey you are over your boyfriend on a public forum - this is the very definition of someone showing their true reaction to... well, everyone!! But, get this...this is where the contradiction comes in. I love puppy dogs. And pictures of them. Recently, I was looking up pictures of cute babies licking lemon for the first time (their reactions are so. cute .) When people write how much they love their lover, my psychological manifestation of what is commonly referred to as my heart but is not the real or actual organ, melts: my heart melts and my heart strings are strummed. It gets worse: I am increasingly feeling the urge to write on my own facebook status how much I love Laurence.
Fuck.
It's happened: Laurence, you've made a softie of me.
Maybe there is nothing wrong with learning to reserve a reaction to something. And maybe writing I-love-my-boyfriend-and-puppies facebook statuses is actually really very lame (tell your boyfriend, kids, not us). But also, maybe it is nice to sometimes publically announce one's love of their lover.
I love you, Laurence.
